Want a stronger marriage? What to raise children who love Jesus? Then, find a church your husband likes.
Never underestimate the positive influence on your marriage and your children, if your husband attends church regularly. Ideally, Christian women would marry men who were active church-goes before we were married. Yet, so many women fall in love with someone and then struggle with wishing their faith was stronger later on.
The Bible calls us to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. (2 Corinthians 6:14) Now some men will say that they believe in Jesus but that they don’t go to church regularly. We live in a culture where many people believe that they are Christians, but they don’t truly have a relationship with Jesus.
Men who truly love God and put him first in their lives will intentionally attend church regularly. Christian women should not settle for less than these kinds of men.
What do we do if our husband doesn’t attend church regularly? There is a lot of advice and conversation to truly answer that question. Right now, I want to focus on finding a church that your husband likes.
Why is it important for your husband and you to go to church together?
It blesses your marriage.
Marriage is HARD. You will go through emotional, physical, and financial struggles. You and your husband need to be on the same page with the same worldview. Your marriage needs to be grounded in Christ and drawing strength from those roots. Learning and studying together builds intimacy and friendship. Going to the same church provides a continuity of teaching and pastoral care. If you need to talk to the pastor, as many couples do, then that pastor is the pastor to both of you and not just to one of you.
It blesses your children.
Raising children is hard. There are so many challenges and struggles that you will face that you and your husband need to be on the same page. Finding a church your husband likes makes it so much easier for you to hear the word together.You need to be actively involved in shaping and discipling your children. Encouragement and equipping will come from your involvement in the church. You need to be a unified force against the schemes of the devil to draw your children away from God.
There is tremendous power in your children witnessing you and your husband worship God together. It communicates that this is a priority for them. For children, the most important influence on their faith is their mom and their dad. More than the senior pastor or the youth minister, it is mom and dad.
Our children pay attention much more to what we do than to what we say. The attendance of church with their dads has a powerful influence on whether or not they will go to church when they get older.
“When only mom takes her sons to church while they’re growing up, approximately 15 percent of boys remain churchgoers after they become adults. However, if dad takes an active role with mom in leading the family to church, the number who continue their spiritual journey increases to somewhere around 75 percent.” Rick Johnson, author of Better Dads, Stronger Sons
Let the reality of that quote sink in. There is a sixty percent increase in your son’s chances of actively being a part of the church if their dad comes with them. If it is important to mom, it might be important, but if it is important to dad – our children listen.
My own dad is not one that I have ever seen studying the Bible. He doesn’t really talk about Jesus. Yet, growing up, every Sunday we were in church. It didn’t matter how much snow was on the ground, we were there. On vacation, we still found a church to attend. It was important to him that we go. Unquestionably, it was a non-negotiable in our house to go to church. You went, period. The payoff? Today, my brother and I both are actively involved in our churches.
So, how can you find a church your husband likes?
- Give him permission to be heard. Sometimes we are so busy pushing what we want in a church for ourselves and for our children that we don’t stop and truly ask our spouse what they want. He needs permission to find a church he likes too. We don’t let them think critically about what they like and don’t like and what they would like in a church.
- Is your church more appealing to men or to women? THIS is so important in finding a church your husband likes and wants to attend! Some men don’t want to sing love songs to Jesus. Maybe your spouse doesn’t want to sing at all or prefers a church where the music is loud enough no one can hear him singing. Would a cowboy-themed service appeal to him? Does he like a rock n roll vibe? Or, does he prefer no-nonsense teaching. Let your husband know that his opinion is valuable and that you want to find a church that he will like.
- Find one with an active men’s group. Finding such a group is more important than the children’s ministry and the women’s ministry. The influence of a Dad in love with Jesus is more powerful than any children’s ministry. In my experience, it is easier to start a women’s small group than it is to start one for men.
Men need other men to model faith for them. They need teaching on how to lead their families. They need the affirmation of other men who model that it is okay to be a passionate follower of Jesus. In most churches, women outnumber men. Your husband needs to know that manly men love Jesus too.
In the end, a mature Christian should be able to worship and grow in any church that teaches the Bible. It may not be the worship style that they prefer, but they are able to worship God anyway. Wives, it is so easy for our husbands to let us take the lead in choosing a church for our families and for our children. Yet, the most profound impact on our families will come when our husband is excited about the church.
Are you ready to find a church your husband likes? Does your husband like your church? What types of things or activities do you think appeal to husbands that are needing a nudge to go to church more often?