Motherhood can be overwhelming and lonely. There are days where no one seems to listen to you – your children or your husband. You feel invisible. No one picks after themselves. Your priorities get pushed aside for everyone else.You get angry and frustrated. You feel like a victim. Stop the blame game. Make a mind shift and transform your heart and home.
Stop the Blame Game: Change your life by taking ownership.
Change your life by taking ownership. You can only control you. Let the truth sink in. You can only control you.
Ultimately, we can’t control our spouse. We can’t control our children. We can’t control the weather. Sometimes can control our interruptions and emergencies and sometimes they have to be dealt with right then and there.
You do control how you respond at that moment. You do control how you think. You do have a choice on how you are going to feel. You do control what your response is going forward. These are the things that you control.
Sometimes the person hardest to control is ourselves. We want to blame our children for the messy house and for being late. We want to blame our spouse for our children’s behavior or our unhappiness. It might feel better to blame someone else for the negative things in our lives and to be the victim in the story.
The problem is that then you are stuck waiting on a hero to come “save” you that likely will never come. Your life is real life, not a soap opera. If you want to change your story, you have got to change. You must transform your mindset.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
MindShift for Moms: Stop the Blame Game in Parenting
Your parenting does not depend on your spouse. (I am preaching to myself right now as well. I have to remind myself this over and over again!)
Is it frustrating when you think your husband needs to help out more with the discipline? Is it frustrating when you wish you had more back-up? Yes, but that isn’t going to change anything. Our frustration might motivate a temporary change, but anger and passive-aggressive behavior will cause other unintended consequences.
Should you talk to your spouse about your co-parenting challenges? Absolutely, you should share your frustrations constructively, but ultimately you can’t change your spouse’s behavior. (Really, you can’t change them.) They have to change it themselves.
Here is the other truth – you are not a perfect parent. Fixing your spouse is not going to fix your kids. You make mistakes too. Real change only happens when we realize our role and the things that we need to change.
So, you have a choice. You can be frustrated at your husband and have kids that don’t obey. Or, you can accept full responsibility and get to work on disciplining and parenting your children.
Mindshift for Moms: Stop the Blame Game with your Kids
If only my kids would go to bed, then I could get some sleep. I am tired and cranky because they won’t sleep.
If only my kids would do their chores, then I wouldn’t have so much to do around the house.
If only my kids would hurry up, then we wouldn’t be late all the time.
If only my kids would just focus and get their work done, then I would be able to get my work done. (This is for you homeschool mamas.)
Have you ever said anything of these? I have spoken every single one. Do you think saying them caused anything to change? No. I was angry and frustrated. I would yell at my kids, and in the moment they might do what I wanted, but nothing changed.
I need to take ownership. They don’t want to go to bed. I have to make sure my kids’ needs are met and then establish appropriate consequences, so they feel that choosing to obey is far better than choosing to disobey.I have to prioritize my sleep rather than letting it fall victim to my failure to enforce the bedtime rules. Sleeping makes me a better mom not a selfish mom.
(Self-Deprived? Check out “Sleep-Deprived Mom” for proven tips borne out of nighttime care for a child with Type 1 Diabetes.)
The heart of most of my mom frustrations really is in my own lack of self-discipline to make a rule and then enforce the rule. Parenting is hard. For stay at home parents, you have to enforce the rules all day long. You are tired and your kids wear you down. You feel like throwing in the parenting towel. Be resolved to overcome and not give in!
Mindshift for Moms: Stop the Blame Game about Your Schedule
You are in charge of your schedule. All of those sports schedules, church activities, school events they are not in control of you. It may feel like they are, but they are not.
Why? You are in charge of your schedule because you control whether or not your family participates in them. Today’s family are so busy running here and there that families are overwhelmed and stressed.
News Flash: You don’t have to do ALL THE THINGS. It is more critical that you create a happy, loving home culture, than your children be in fifty different activities. You are still a good mom even if you don’t serve as a leader in all your kids’ groups.
Need help with evaluating and trimming your schedule? Check out “Prune Your Schedule to Help Your Family Blossom.”
I need to recognize that my kids move slow and build in a margin. I may want them to move fast, but that isn’t how they are wired right now. I can yell and make for a wonderful to start to leaving the house – or I can stop the blame game and build in more margin.
Mindshift for Moms: Stop the Blame Game and Banish Murphy
Even if we manage to control ourselves and rest our relationship with our kids, things are still going to happen. Cars will break down. Clothing will get stained as you are walking out the door. There is a health crisis or a death. Things happen that we just can’t control.
Get over it and move on. Wallowing only hurts you. Your car doesn’t care that you yell at it. Only those around you that have to catch the fall out of your anger. Your clothing isn’t bummed that it doesn’t get to go on a trip.
Things happen, our plans have to change. We can roll with it or focus on it. Focusing on it just keeps us a victim. Rolling with it allows us to move past and to put our focus on our priorities. Shake it off and focus on the mom you want to be. Shake it off and go get your goals.
Don’t let the Devil or Murphy win. We can’t control the past, but we can change our future. Don’t allow that negative comment, spilled coffee, or late start – ruin your day.
“Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16
Mindshift for Moms: Stop the Blame Game & Run Your Race
Life is short. Your calling is important. We have to shake off the setbacks and embrace the rest of the day.
This resilience is something we have to model and teach our children as well. They will encounter setbacks and disappointment. As Christians, they will encounter trials and tribulations. We have to shake off our troubles and keep running the race to be a witness for them.
Change your mindset Mom. Overcome the powers and principalities. Overcome your own brokenness and sinfulness. Run to Jesus who took the blame for you. You are an overcomer!
Ready to change your mindset? Check out the DoItScared podcast. Episode 25 is about “The Power of Taking Full Responsibility.”